Charity & Forgiveness: the pathway from pain to peace

I have wanted to write about charity and forgiveness for a long time. These two things are not only vital concepts, but also commandments. The Lord has taught us that we need to forgive everyone, including ourselves. The ancient Book of Mormon prophet Moroni also taught the crucial importance of charity. He stated that if a person does not, "have not charity, he is nothing." (Moroni 7:44) He even further explains that we should pray unto Heavenly Father with, "all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of Christ." (Moroni 7:48) Put simply, in order to be more like God, we must love others more perfectly, with the Christ like love of Charity, which helps allow us to forgive.

Now that all seems simple enough, but what about when something happens and you are deeply hurt, or someone else who you know and love is hurt, or when you make poor choices and hurt yourself? We need this pure love of Christ to be able to reach out and love and in many cases forgive others as well as our selves. 

Is there a strong correlation between charity and forgiveness? I would argue that to a large degree, the answer would be a resounding yes! But how? I will try to illustrate with to personal examples from my life that occurred while I serving an LDS mission in the South Pacific:

The first experience occurred when I had been out on my mission for about a year. A lady who was interested in joining our faith decided she wanted to be baptized into the Church. This was great news! We the missionaries were ecstatic. I had only been serving in the area for two weeks and she had been taught in another area, which meant I knew little of her situation or preparation for this sacred ordinance. As we tried to work with the local church leaders to plan the baptism for this lady, it became clear that something was amiss. I tried to explain that we needed make sure this good woman was prepared properly and had been taught the basic lessons and was keeping her engagements. The ligitament concern was taken as a lack of support. I tried to explain how the process worked, privately after the regular Sunday meetings, but something backfired. I became a little frustrated because if this lady was baptized without being properly taught or interviewed by the proper authority, it would not be valid, since convert baptism are under the priesthood keys held by the presiding mission president, delegated to the missions, not the local leadership. Once baptized members, the new members would then be under the care and jurisdiction of his or her local priesthood leadership. It seemed clear that this very basic doctrine had never been really taught to the man I was trying to work with. The situation became heated, so I left the room and gave a little smack to the door with a rolled up piece of paper in my hand. This ignited the anger in this good brother who then jumped to his feet, grabbed me by my shirt and hauled/shoved me into his office, slamming the door behind him. He then proceeded to yell into my face from two inches away. I was terrified. I thought I was going to get my face punched in. I said one of the fastest prayers of my life and did some fast-talking till he cooled down and let me leave. 

The next day I went to this mans house with another missionary and after being torn over what to do, decided that all I could do was ask forgiveness for whatever I may have done to have caused a problem. I mostly wanted to give the man an opportunity to ask forgiveness from me because I felt I had been so wronged when I was just doing my job and was following the established doctrinal way of planning and organizing this type of event. I was so upset that I had been treated in such an abusive way when I had not created the problem but had only tied to help solve it. However, I learned a powerful lesson. 

I asked him to forgive me and told him I was very sorry and would do all I could to help set things strait. He listened and said little. Finally, he invited me to close with a prayer. I prayed my heart out for him, his family, the branch and the lady who was to be baptized. Afterwards, we embraced and parted ways. Even though he had not asked forgiveness of me, I could forgive him and he forgave me. I was freed from the guilt and the festering anger that had been boiling up inside me over the injustice of it all. I needed to forgive him more for me that for him. I was able to move on and not be held back so to speak.

The second incident occurred at the end of my mission. I have already blogged about the event. It was when a drunk man assaulted me while on a ferry with my companion to another island. Initially, the man had seen our nametags with the inscription, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and asked if we represented the Catholic or Protestant faith. We gently explained that while me had many similarities and values as these two faiths, we were, in fact, different and distinct, having an unique message about how God has once again reached out in love to help save His children. This did not sit well with the man. He decided that we could not possibly be "Christians." We explained that, on the contrary, we considered ourselves very Christen, since we believed in Christ and His atonement and tried to follow His teachings and apply them in our lives. 

The situation went from bad to worse. Sensing the severity of the situation, I deiced we should try to find another place to sit on the boat and maybe talk to the captain to get some help. As I was standing next to the seat where my companion was sitting, the man in a fit of sudden explosive anger leaped from his seat and started to come at me. As missionary we consider ourselves as official representitives of Jesus Christ, and as such, peacemakers and non-combatants. I tried for a few seconds to dissuade the man form what he was about to do but to no avail. All too late I realized, I was about to get my light punched out, I started to turn to run for safety or help. The man was about 6 foot 8 inches and maybe 320 pounds. I knew that there was no other way than trying to run, to escape being hurt. As I started to turn, he struck me on the side of the head. The hit threw me down the aisle and I landed like a rag doll, crumpled on the floor. 

Everyone on the boat leapt to his or her feet to stop the man and help me but the damage was done. I went into shock and could not breath normally for the reminder of the 30 min boat ride to the next island. Upon arriving, the police boarded the boat and removed the man then escorted my companion and me off the boat. They drove me to the very small and primitive ER on the island. The man who had assaulted me was in the back seat of the same car, handcuffed and looking dazed and despondent.  

Upon arriving at the mini hospital, I suddenlty felt the overwhelming urge to talk to the man who had hit me. He was hand cuffed and slightly sedated from something the police had used to get him off the boat. I asked the lead police officer if I could have a word with the man. He gave me a funny look but consented. I got out of the front and walked to the back of the car. I looked at the man and told him I was sorry if there had been anything I had done that had provoked him. I told him that I did not know his name and he did not know mine. I knew he had not hit me in a sense, but He whom I had tried to represent for two years. I told him to never touch another missionary like me again. Then I remmembered the short Mormon Ad film I had watched the week before on forgiveness. I had thought to myself at the time how much I wanted to commit to forgive no matter what. I again looked strait at this and man and said, "look we may not be considered Christens to you or others, but we strive to be Christ-like. For this reason, I can forgive you for what you have done to me, because it is what Christ would have me do."

I then proceed into the ER to get checked out as the patrol car drove off to the station to deal with the legal process of handling the incident with this man. The only doctor on call was in the middle of a life and death operation and asked if I could wait a few miniutes before he saw me. This I did gladly, because, as I figured at the time, I was just a bit shaken up and maybe had a black eye or something. 

It was not until 48 hours later I realized the gravity of what had happened. My neck and back pain continued to worsen and got to the point it was hard to walk or do anything. It was Sunday, two days after the hit, when the thought crossed my mind that this might cost me the rest of my mission. I wouldn’t let myself think about it. But this thought kept coming back. I felt a since that. My mission was coming to a close and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Hot tears fell down my face as I faced the reality of the situation. I thought to myself, "why did I forgive that man?! he took from me all that I really wanted, the oppertunity to server the Lord full time as a missionary. Was that not a righteous desire? How could this happen?" As my mind started trying to grapple with these questions, the Sprit taught me a powerful lesson that I will never forget: I didn’t need to forgive the man for his sake but for mine. I could not fully access the healing power of the Atonement if I did not forgive him. He had cost me so much more that I ever could have dreamed, yet the Lord had given me an opportunity to further try and acquire the Christ-like virtue for which I had only the night before pled with Lord to bestow upon me, even charity. 

Now I don't want to scare anyone into thinking that if you pray for charity, you will get punched out by a huge island man the next day. No. Or even that life may become suddenly very difficult. What I am trying to convey is that, when we pray for spiritual gifts, the Lord will rarely if ever give them to us directly; rather, I believe that He will give us situation to exercise these gifts.

At First, I maybe thought I had to forgive the man to prove that Mormons were Christians or even that I had charity. But, as my mind has pondered over this I have come to the conclusion as to perhaps why the Lord has commanded us to forgive all me. It is so that He, the Lord, can heal us. Forgiveness is the pathway that leads us away from the pain and injustice and refocuses us on Christ, His perfect example and Atonement. He not only could forgive all the very men who crucified him as he was being put to his death, but he had also being wiling to pay the ultimate price, in atoning for the sins and mistakes of the whole human family. Being able to forgive, provided me with an exit to the endless the common cycle of hate, remorse and feelings of revenge. That is why I believe the Lord has asked us to forgive all men their trespasses against us. It is not so much to help the offender, but the offended. The Atonement of Jesus Christ covers both aspects of the situation: comforting those hurt by the actions of others while also helping the he whoever has trespassed the eternal laws of God. 

Forgiveness and charity are like two best friends. Where you find one, you find the other. When you pray to obtain one, you will likely acquire the other in the process. 

My invitation to anyone who may have been wronged or who may have wronged others, is this: seek this pure of Christ, even charity and forgive others, or seek forgiveness from them, yourself  and most importantly, God. Let go of the pain. Share this burden with He who has trodden the wine press alone. Christ suffered to we would not have to if we would simply turn to Him, and share our burdens and seek to righteousness and to keep the commandments. I can testify that if you do, you will feel the sweet love that results from forgives in your heart. You will be able to love others more like how God loves them, seeing in them their divine potential and be able to love them unconditionally and perfectly, being filled with Charity, even the "greatest of all, for all things must fail--But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever, and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.'' (Moroni 7:46-47)